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You know, you get to the point where you have to utilise IVF services, you go through IVF, you conceive straightaway and you have a child from that conception. I mean I know you know, a very good friend of my sisters went through IVF after I had started so I’d done a couple of cycles unsuccessfully and she started and did her first cycle and got pregnant straightaway and had a child and I found that extremely difficult to cope with because that wasn’t anywhere near my experience whereas in a way I think that is the ultimate IVF experience. I think it’s really hard to give advice because you can only really say from your own point of view, like what helped you or what worked for you and everybody is going to come at it differently. So if we were to live it over again, I would have still said keep going, keep going, keep going but it would have been nice to know that that was true.

So giving up wasn’t – you know, I mean while tempting and would have been a road that we could have taken a hundred different times, that kind of voice in the back of my head constantly said keep trying and we’ll get there, just keep going, keep going, keep going and I think in hindsight you know if we’d know that there was a date or a time that it was going to happen, that it was going to take five years but at some point it would happen it would have been so much easier and I know that’s not going to happen for everyone, I know that you know we were lucky in the end but trusting that voice that was saying keep going, keep going, turned out to be the right thing to do. Not necessarily good but that was the way to get there. So if you kept doing it for long enough, or the longer you did it your chances of getting pregnant and staying pregnant were good. For me the whole way through I said to Dinah “it will happen” and you know from my understanding of the science which is pretty limited let’s face it but you know, I’ll pretend I knew what I was talking about, my understanding from talking to the specialist and so forth was that it was a numbers game. I think that was a big part of my thinking. As far as sort of having that, I mean Dinah was doing the counselling sort of stuff which we probably mentioned already but yeah I think a sort of typical male perspective on that of you know, well, you know you just sort of tough it out and you know it will come good in the end anyway so you know, it’s just a waiting game, we’ll get there. I probably would but that’s just the conservative in me I think but I don’t know. I think you know, with your kind of work colleagues and things like that I tended to keep it pretty private and I guess that was a vague decision that we made at some point but I don’t know that we really discussed you know who we were going to tell exactly and who we weren’t but there was enough family who knew what was going on that that was probably enough and you know, we kept it pretty private but I don’t know if we did it again, you know, I don’t know if I would do it the same.

Discovering you are donor-conceived through DNA testing.I am a partner, family member or a friend.What information can others find out about me?.Finding your donor offspring or their parents.Finding those you are linked to through donor conception.I am a sibling or relative of a donor-conceived person.I am a parent of a donor-conceived person.Getting started - for intended parent(s).Getting started – find a fertility clinic.